#I’ve been trying to think of how to express my kintypes. And where the line between kin gender and otherhearted is bc I don’t think

[harpysongs]

oohhhhh okay, polymorphkin or shapeshifterkin is definitely the vibe. I’ve seen a few descriptions of both so I’m not sure which is more accurate but I am glad to know there’s general terms for this.

[thelightfluxtastic]

Mages, Magicians, and Kin Identity

Below the cut, a long (almost 2000 word) essay exploring the differences between the historical therian/otherkin communities and the “tumblrkin”/”kinnie” community and subculture, through an extended metaphor about magic. At full disclosure, I am personally very much an “old school” therian. Nevertheless, the essay, to the best of my efforts, is not an attack and does not take sides, instead hoping for honest discussion. I know there are other communities I might not know about or be active in, I welcome people to share this there (with proper credit).

Say you have a Mage (think Harry Potter, Dungeons and Dragons, and similar). In their experience, magic is an inextricable from their life: it affects how they perceive the world around them, how they interpret and understand things, and it can manifest effects (spells) through them, either voluntarily or reflexively. The visible, tangible acts of “magic” are a direct expression and consequence of the natural state “being a mage”. They don’t “do magic”, they “are a mage”, and magic happens as a result. A mage remains inherently a mage, even when they are asleep or having breakfast or otherwise not doing anything obviously magical.

Then, say you have a magician (Harry Houdini, David Copperfield, etc.). For them, “magic” is a thing you do. Some people may have more talent than others, and people may have different reasons for doing it (some make it a career, some put on performances, some just do it on their own out of personal interest or fun), but at the end of the day it’s an activity, a practice.

Then, say, these two completely different people meet, and start discussing “magic”. Here, a sudden conflict arises.

It would be very tempting for the mage, seeing the magician using scarves and cards and coins, to say “What I’m doing is real magic, what you’re doing is fake”. The mage might remember really struggling to understand and control their magic- early accidents and mishaps, unintended reflexive spells- and think “This is something I live with, good or bad. Something that, in certain situations, I have to work to manage, and it’s all just a game to you.” If the mage runs into someone who is only familiar with magicians, who, upon seeing them cast fireball, says “oh, neat trick with the flash paper!” the mage might get frustrated, angry, defensive. Insisting that no, they’re doing something very different. The mage might try to draw the line between identity an action, or even try to insist on differentiating terms (“I’m doing magic because that’s what magic means, you’re doing legerdemain”).

But the magician might argue back that the magic he does is what magic means to him, what it has meant for as long as he’s known it, and what it means to his community. There’s no deception, trickery, or malicious intent involved. When he meets with other magicians, they’re all discussing magic as a practice, their tools and skills, not pretending or claiming to be supernatural. And even the audience to magic performances ultimately understands and expects that it’s all illusion and a demonstration of clever talent. It’s just as ‘real’ in that sense. Furthermore, the magician might argue that, just because magic is an activity, that doesn’t mean it’s shallow or meaningless. There are magicians that take their craft very seriously, and for whom it’s a really significant part of their life. Furthermore, it’s not so easy to distinguish action from identity: nobody is born a “writer” or an “artist”, but these can be as much core identities for a person as their inborn traits. Some magicians might accept ‘legerdemain’ as a term, but it would be very difficult to convince all magicians to suddenly stop using the term “magic”, especially if that is coming as an external pressure and not a natural linguistic shift within their own community.

If the magician assumes that the mage is using stage magic whenever they make grass grow or call down a lightning bolt, then the mage will seem to be too authoritarian- why are they so angry? Why are they so insistent on using different terminology? Why do they pop up with “No, that’s not how it works” every time someone mentions doing magic for fun? How rude! The magician would see that mages see magic as an identity- which, yes, some magicians do- but might think “why can’t they accept that that’s not how everyone does magic?”.

What the magician fails to see, in this case, is that this is not a shared identity with different perspectives, but a fundamentally different experience. The magician sees their difference in the use of the term “Magic” as a difference in connotation and interpretation. Really, what’s happening is more like a homograph: two words with different meanings and origins that look or sound the same (e.g. “dove” the bird vs. “dove”, past tense of “dive”). And in discussion, mixing up “lead” as in the metal and “lead” as in “leader”, or using them interchangeably, isn’t an alternate definition or linguistic drift, it’s misinformation and misunderstanding.

The above extended metaphor is the closest I have come to explaining the difference between the “old school” therian/otherkin community, and the subculture commonly referred to as “tumblrkin” (which I use as a point of reference here, not derogatorily). For the sake of clarity, I will be referring to these as “mage kin” and “magician kin” from this point forward. My observations and direct experience in this come from Therian Guide, Werelist, Youtube, Therian Wilderness, a few therian Telegram groups, and, yes, Tumblr. As you can see there will still be gaps in my knowledge (especially as I am far less familiar with non-therian, otherkin communities).

Mage kin see therianthropy/otherkinity as an inherent identity. Language reflects that- one has a kintype or is __kin/a ___ therian, and might be discouraged from saying “my wolf” or “my dragon”. A lot of emphasis is placed on distinguishing kintypes from ‘external’ forces, whether personality traits, likes/dislikes or distinct spiritual entities. A kintype in this community is (almost) always discovered, not created and definitely not chosen. It is found the same way a new continent is found- it was always there, and simply needed to be mapped. Mage kin communities are, broadly speaking, older and more interconnected. The various forums tend to share some members, and this is usually where you will find the community elders that have been around since the Elf Queen’s Daughters and alt.horror.werewolves. While terminology has shifted slightly with time (from elvenkind and weres to otherkin and therians), and broadened to include things like fictionkin, this has been natural drift, and mage kin have a shared definition/understanding of kin identity, whether on Tumblr or TG: an inherent, internal, nonhuman identity. A mage kin is always kin, whatever their shifts or self-expression.

In magician kin communities, “kinning” is a verb. It is a thing someone does. “X kins Y” or “I’m kinning ___” are common statements. This is how it was expressed by someone who identified as kin, and was earnest as far as I could tell (not trolling)- that people can “kin” for various reasons, including mental health or for fun. Because of this action aspect in the general understanding, the magician kin community is much more open to the idea of choosing a kintype- both in picking what to “kin”, and in being able to say things like “don’t kin outside of your race/culture”. It also broadens the umbrella of what a kintype can be, with people further subdividing into things like “ID’s”. The magician community is more insular- as far as I can tell it is fairly localized to tumblr (and personal discords/aminos) but has little to no overlap with other therian/otherkin websites and forums. This leads to a lack of exposure to terminology and history (I’ve had someone ask me, in earnest, that wasn’t fictionkin different from otherkin?). And much like on islands in biology/ecology, being insulated in that way leads to very sharp, extreme differentiation. Magicians rarely meet mages (and when they do, often assume them to just be belligerent magicians) and have branched off to the point of being nigh-unrecognizable from the mage perspective.

Hence, conflict. Notice how often discourse boils down to whether kin is a noun or a verb. Mages see magicians as disconnected from the community history and terminology, and thus misinformed- and put time, effort and energy into ‘educating’ and ‘correcting’ (whether politely or angrily). They blame magicians for muddying the water of what ‘magic’ means, causing confusion, and for making a mockery (in their perspective) of magic- making a game of what was often serious and sometimes even painful for them. Magicians have their fellow magicians and are perfectly happy with their magic, and don’t see why some other ‘magicians’ feel they have any authority to barge in and tell them they aren’t doing real magic and should start using words like “legerdemain”. From a complete outsider’s perspective, it’s all chaos. Because the two groups aren’t using neatly distinct terms like mage and magician, they are all just using “magic” and arguing with each other (and of course, the worst extremes will always be the most visible). And, as tempting as it is to think so, magicians aren’t responsible for trolls and aggressors attacking the ‘magic’ community as a whole; and strictly enforcing only mage terms wouldn’t stop willful misunderstanding and attacks. People that want to be jerks and bullies would be jerks and bullies, even to the most respectable.

So…what do we do? I’m solidly in the mage kin camp. I found the tumblr kin community first, and felt alienated and out of place in it. Finding fellow mages is where I have found community and shared understanding that matches my experiences. And, like many of my peers, I’ve spent time and energy being angry at tumblrkin, and aggressively defensive of terminology. But here’s the thing- that’s wasted effort. However the linguistic divergence came about, it happened. There’s no point closing the barn door after the cows get out. Contranyms (words that are their own opposite) are a known linguistic fact. In some cases, it’s a matter of a specific word broadening until it contains its own opposite. In other cases (which I think are closest to what’s happening with “otherkin”), a word with a broad meaning splits into more specific sub-definitions, which relate to the original meaning but develop separately in parallel until they ultimately contradict one another. And, well, as to how that will end in the long term: how well is the fight to get people to stop using “literally” figuratively going? Does “sanction” mean to permit or penalize?

I don’t know what the answer is. As someone who likes labels, terminology, and clarity, I’m tempted to hope that labels (maybe even ‘magician’ and ‘mage’) can help clean up the overlap between these two very different camps. But I’m doubtful adding more words into the mix will really help this terminological clusterfuck. From the perspective of mental and emotional health, I’m tempted to let the island be an island, and just stick with the community that I’ve found, that fits my needs and experiences, and clarify on an individual level if someone asks me about my identity and what it means to me. It matters for people just starting to question their identity- there is a lot of contradictory information they would be blasted with. And I know there is a fear among mage kin that fellow ‘true mages’ would get lost in the weeds. But I found my way, and I’m going to continue presenting as the kind of therian I am, so I can act as that example to others. I don’t know what else can be done.

So I guess my final thoughts would be: To any magicians reading this- please try to understand and respect that there really is a fundamental difference in experience here, not just a parallel perspective. To my fellow mages- is it really worthwhile to mount a crusade, or more important to lead by example and be a beacon?

---

Requested edit: Reminder that all of the above is an extended metaphor. I am talking about otherkin/therians using the idea of “magic” to illustrate my perspective. Which, again, is my own and based on my own experiences, with the intent of being fair, but is neither universal nor perfect.

[jotunnkyn]

Shower thought induced long rant on perception of self, mental illness, and ableism below the cut. Gets a little personal and preachy.

Those of you who are not mentally ill to a degree which impairs your ability to function “normally” in society likely have no idea how often “That’s not healthy!” gets slung about in a demeaning fashion.

And the thing is, we know. Most psychotics, people with personality disorders, and similar things understand perfectly well that we’re not healthy, thank you, but if you wouldn’t suggest that someone with cancer take a kitchen knife and carve the tumors out of themself, don’t suggest that someone struggling with mental illness just stop acting mentally ill because it doesn’t line up with your idea of health and that makes you uncomfortable.

This is especially bothersome in regards to harmless coping mechanisms. Someone plays a lot of video games? Has to carry their phone on them at all time and checks it more often than you believe is acceptable in any given space? Gets upset if separated from a favorite stim toy? Connects deeply and personally to a fictional character or non-human creature? Identifies as multiple different individuals piloting one physical body?

If that makes you uncomfortable you should shut up, straight out. Taking away what’s keeping an unhealthy person relatively grounded as compared to how they would be without the things they’ve developed to cope isn’t going to make them any healthier. If you, as a neurotypical person, have drawn the conclusion that someone is unhealthy while they’re doing their best to handle their own problems, I guarantee you that you can’t fathom how much worse they’d feel and subsequently, justifiably, behave if all of that stuff they’ve developed over time wasn’t in place.

Yes, where possible, a person should also be seeking professional help, but unless you personally are willing to pay for that to happen, or if you know them well enough and are willing to guide them in the right direction for financial, emotional and mental assistance, don’t suggest that they do so, otherwise you’re going to look like a condescending jerkass.

If you do this, hands down, it is not coming from the kindness of your heart or out of concern for them. It’’s coming from a place of ableism, and you may not realize that unless you take some time to reflect on why you’re uncomfortable. Of course, some people realize that they’re being dickheads and that they don’t care and choose to bully easy targets anyway, and for those people, I don’t think there’s any help. They’re the lowest of the low and we should all aspire to be better than that.

I, personally, was diagnosed in my early teens, so I have an advantage over many seriously mentally ill people in that I accepted my conditions before I got too old and set in my ways. Since diagnosis, I’ve dedicated incredible amounts of time to introspection and reflecting on the difference between what I feel, what I think, and what I believe. I think of myself as an incredibly self aware individual. I know that I experience delusions. I understand the difference between fiction and reality even though I’m inherently inclined towards escapism and blurred lines.

I have schizophrenic symptoms. I have mood swings. I have narcissistic tendencies. I also have dissociative identity disorder which results in multiple personalities (each with separate thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes) and memory loss. Those things wouldn’t go away if I just “acted” normal, as I have tried to do in past. It would just be acting, and it would inevitably come to a head and I’d have a psychotic break, again, as I have in the past. Even when I am medicated and speaking with a therapist, which I cannot currently afford to do, financially or mentally, I am not and cannot be “normal” or “healthy” because these things do not just go away no matter how badly I want them to. How badly neurotypical strangers want me to be “normal” does not even factor in.

If a friend is concerned, I’ll listen, but I won’t, and cannot, change for them. I can only try to learn to cope better. Like anyone else, a psychotic person is a constantly growing and changing individual. My coping skills are better than they were five years ago. Looking back ten years plus, I barely even recognize who I was, but I have a suspicion that most every fully developed adult feels that way about their late teens and early twenties.

Because I cannot change these things about myself, and because I cannot afford the treatment that I would need to ground myself more than I’m currently able, I’ve allowed myself the most effective and least harmful coping mechanisms I’ve discovered in the long period of time that I’ve been aware of how my mind works, or, often, doesn’t work as intended.

I express the different facets of myself openly with close friends, but keep it subtle and use one agreed upon name with strangers and acquaintances. I express those different facets of myself best through writing and self-inserting into fiction. (Which I understand is and treat as fiction.) I have a kinblog, and while I do identify with and sometimes as my kintypes, I understand that kinning is not literal. Some people believe that it is literal. Those people are valid because that belief is what they need in order to cope with whatever they’re going through, and if anyone bullies them for that I will stomp them with my hooves. (Neither the hooves nor the stomping are literal, physical things.)

I’m not a spiritual or religious person, in fact I do not believe in the supernatural to any degree what so ever, although I do accept the vague, if unlikely possibility of anything. Someone relying on a personal delusion, or faith, if you’d prefer to call it that, is no different from a person relying on Jesus to get them through tough time, except that they do not have the church at their back to protect them.

Which was damning just a short time ago, because if someone confessed to believing something without a basis in literal reality without the backing of the church, they were institutionalized, tortured, and often lobotomized. Again, the mentally ill are easy victims, far more likely to be victims than antagonists, and if you’re uncomfortable with them when they’re not doing anything harmful to anyone, you’re reinforcing the same thinking that allowed those horrible things to happen to innocent people.

If God is real only to those who believe, then God is real. If a person exists only in their own mind, that person is also real, and should be acknowledged, then treated with the same respect as anyone else. If someone says they’re a man, they’re a man. If someone says they’re a woman, they’re a woman. If someone says they’re a dog or a comic book villain or a ghost, then, yeah it’s weird, but it’s also not hurting you, so that’s what they are.

Don’t listen to the media when it paints us as antagonists. Don’t follow in the footsteps of your Cool Mutual who thinks otherkin are cringy and laughable, because they’re probably mentally ill and coping with something very serious. Think for yourself, then re-think again if that’s really the kind of person you want to be.

[monkeytherian-blog]

I’ve been meaning to make this post for a while now just to get some thoughts on the subject organized, but the long story short is that I’m gradually coming to the conclusion that I’m most likely something more like canine-hearted (if that’s actually the right term, or even a helpful term, for describing my experience) rather than being a canine cladotherian.

Maybe I’m just overthinking this all, and I’ll eventually realize that I was wrong... about being wrong(?) But for now, I honestly feel that this needs to be said and that I’m on the right track here and taking steps in the right direction toward understanding more about myself. I’m going to put this under a read more because it’s going to be a lot of me just rambling about my own stuff, but it’s here.

So, I guess the thing that originally made me start really thinking about this was reading a specific personal essay about the author’s experience of animal-heartedness. Of course, I had already been familiar with other-heartedness as a concept long before this, knew the definition, knew what set it apart from therianthropy, knew what made it similar to therianthropy, etc.

But reading the essay made me realize... all of my knowledge on the subject was basically clinical. It was terms, definitions, boundaries. I had no knowledge of the personal, emotional, or intimate. For anyone wondering what it’s like to be a therian, I and many others can immediately link to many personal essays and even collections of essays describing the experiences. How many of us can easily say the same for what it’s like to be animal-hearted?

Sure, there are resources out there for that, too, but not nearly as many, and not nearly as readily-available. So once I read this first essay, I was immediately taken aback by how much it just... really resonated with me, and I had to do a bit of digging to find more accounts of animal-heartedness that went beyond simply defining the phenomenon in an impersonal, textbook manner, but with each new writing that I came across, the more strongly I began to feel that this could apply to me.

Before this, I had pretty much taken for granted that my experience of being (or so I thought) a canine cladotherian was going to be in some ways different from being a monkey therian or elf fictionkind, given the inherent difference of an entire taxonomic family vs. a single specific species of animal or fictional race. While I still do believe that that distinction alone may have very likely accounted for some of the difference, I now think that a big part of what was really going on, and what I couldn’t see before, is that I am actually more accurately canine-hearted, so it’s the difference of identity with canines, and as a monkey and elf.

As for what specifically leads me to this conclusion, the first and probably most obvious thing is that many people who are other-hearted will say that they feel a very strong fondness for, and bond with, their heart-type. I had previously passed it off as mere coincidence that canines have always been some of my favorite animals, and I have always seen myself in them. On the other hand, I would never have thought of primates as animals that I liked all too much, and I’ve always considered elves to be one of the more uninspired fantasy races; I realize that this alone doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but when taken with all of the other evidence I’m discussing here, I think it’s at least worth mentioning. I also was careful to try to separate my liking for canines from my other canine-like experiences when I very first was exploring the idea of being a canine therian, but in the end, I had determined that there was more going on with my identity than just... really liking dogs--and I was right that it was something more, but it turns out, just not exactly right about what that “something more” was.

I knew that, even if my love for canines did not exist, there were still the canine-like mental and phantom shifts that are among some of the first shifts I’ve ever had. They go back for as long as I can remember and have stayed with me throughout my life. Of course, even though shifting is often taken as evidence that someone may be a therian, “shifting does not a therian make.” It’s certainly less common to get shifts of heart-types, which is I think part of what led me to believe that this was a theriotype and not a heart-type, but I now realize that the uniqueness of my canine shifts compared to other shifts may be an example of how therians may experience shifts differently from those who are animal-hearted.

First, the canine-like shifts, although they’ve been with me the longest, were almost always weaker and not as long lasting as other shifts. They were vaguer and less well-defined. I mistakenly thought that this was simply because I was a canine cladotherian, that it might be because I wasn’t just any one specific species of canine, that I couldn’t pinpoint just one specific set of features, and I might at times even be having a kind of mixed shift of many different canine species at once. I now believe that, upon closer reexamination in the context of what I’ve learned about animal-heartedness, this is more likely because of the subtle difference in a shift that comes on as a result of my strong affinity for and identity with canines, vs. my more inherent identity as my other kintypes.

In addition to the differing strengths of my shifts, there is also a disparity in the cause and types of my shifts. I notice that canine shifts, while some are random, are more likely than other shifts to be triggered by external stimuli--being in a certain setting or seeing or thinking about canines, for example. A monkey or elven shift might be triggered by the same things, but they are also more often caused by emotional factors as well, or simply occurring for no reason at all.

While canine shifts were almost always mental or phantom, with the exception of a few lucid dream shifts way back in the day, I still do have dream shifts for my other kintypes. These occur even now that I very rarely, if ever, have lucid dreams anymore, and they’re notably more vivid and seemingly more meaningful or informative as well.

Something else that really resonated with me is that writings on other-heartedness often expressed the frustration of feeling as if you should be, or almost are your heart-type, but you still distinctly are not that thing. Looking back on some of my previous writings and journals on my experience of canine-ness, I now see that this has been a common theme for me as well, in a way; I had thought that I was so frustrated with not being physically a canine, as I am, of course, physically human, but I’m beginning to think that it may be more than that after all, that I am also just not quite a canine in identity, either--that I do undeniably identify with canines, but perhaps not quite to the point of identifying completely as a canine.

This also serves as a testament to my previous arrogance. It was all too easy for me to believe that just because I knew so well the difference in definition between therianthropy and other-heartedness, that surely I would be able to tell the difference in experience. I only now realize that I could not have been more mistaken, that academic knowledge is not always enough and cannot always provide the intimate understanding that more personal knowledge can... That the line between identifying with and identifying as really is so fine, and not always as clear-cut as it looks on paper or may seem to be in abstract thought or theory.

And so, to return to the topic of dream shifting for a moment, I’ve taken this in combination with meditation and soul-searching to supplement my developing spirituality. In the beginning, I considered myself to be a purely psychological therian. With my other awakenings, I’ve become increasingly more and more spiritual in addition to my previous psychological and neurological-based beliefs. I think that, to put it plainly, I just never really personally believed in past lives or souls or similar because, of course I wasn’t really experiencing that when, as I see it, my canine-heartedness as a result of my deep and long-lasting affinity and identity with canines is an (almost...?) purely psychological phenomenon. My other kintypes, in contrast, I believe are instead spiritual in origin with some psychological factors still mixed in, which has allowed me to have this sort of “spiritual awakening” as time went on.

There’s definitely more that I wanted to touch on, but I believe that’s at least the gist of it, so for now, I’ll just wrap this up with this last point as some food for thought: I’ve also been entertaining the idea that my canine-heartedness may actually be a subconscious “side-effect” of sorts of my fictotype. In the Dragon Age series, the Shapeshifter mage specialization is more or less something like the shapeshifting magic that I believe I practiced as an elf, probably the most relevant difference here being that, rather than transforming into a variety of different animal forms in battle, it was more common practice for a mage to work with only one, or a few closely related, animal forms. And you can tell where I’m going with this... As the Dalish have a rich history with wolf companions (and even werewolves), I worked primarily with wolves and eventually adapted to other forms of canines as well with my magic. I feel that I had previously been almost definitely too quick to write it off as a simple coincidence that I was a canine therian who had also taken a canine form in another life as well, and I think now that it might not actually be all too out of line to say that this may have a thing or two to do with why I’m so naturally drawn to canines in this life, and why I see myself so much in them while still being able to fixate on the fact that I am just... not a canine after all, even if the form might feel so comfortable and familiar to me at the same time.

[passengersvoice]

The kin quandry

So I am going to ramble to myself some more, in the time-honored tradition of this blog. I am like 95% at this point that I identify AS Dexter, and not just identify WITH him. In this post I lay out my issues with this and compare it directly to my wolfkin side that I have known about am have been comfortable with for many years.

My wolf side:

I am not a specific wolf that lived and died- my wolf side is alive now and is with me. I have zero reason to believe I was a wolf in a past life (or even that past lives are a real thing). My wolf side is just a facet of me and so has grown up with me all my life, experiencing the world in tandem with my human side. I’ve been aware that I’m a wolf for... 19 years-ish? That is a lot of time to go through all the growing pains of discovering a kintype and ultimately becoming intimately comfortable with it. This part of my identity I have zero issues with. I understand myself and like myself. Why I am wolfkin, I don’t know. I have some mixed theories on how this wolf self came to be, but ultimately no one theory satisfies all my questions. Dreams were an early way my subconscious told me I am a wolf, in addition to frequent shifts.

I used to shift a lot as a kid but now it is rare. When I would shift, the wolf side would become more dominant and I would be subject to the wolf’s instincts and whims. My noisy brain would become quiet and I would focus more on what’s around me and ignore the deeper thoughts in my head. Nowadays, my shifts are associated with imbalance- I shift more when I try to actively quell my wolf side, or if I’m intoxicated. Since I am pretty chill with the wolf side of myself, there’s no reason to fight against my wolf side, so I don’t unexpectedly shift that much anymore.

I have no wolf “memories” to recall that I know of- meditation sessions have yielded some visions (mixed bag of first person and third person, ranging from one second to a whole afternoon) but I’d never previously considered them to be actual events that happened- I always assumed it was created in my head. When presented with the theory of reincarnation as it relates to kin, I become less sure that these visions are merely products of my imagination. I’m willing to entertain the theory that these are memories, but I am extremely reluctant to commit to the idea just yet.

Wolf is an important part of my identity but ultimately it affects very little in my day-to-day life. An outsider not privy to my innermost thoughts would have no idea that I am wolfkin. I am happiest when I fully embrace the fact that I am both human and wolf. Furry fandom has been an wonderful place to safely express my wolf side- nobody thinks anything of when I emote as a wolf in text or wear a tail to conventions. I’m able to be honest about who and what I am while still being stealth kin.

Dexter:

I am currently stuck pondering whether I identify WITH Dexter Morgan or if I identify AS him. Huge difference between the two. I have had many strange dreams that basically flash a neon sign at me saying “YOU ARE LIKE DEXTER” spread out over the span of three years. I’ve had a couple strong sense memories associated with this kintype that I have a very hard time explaining away. I’ve meditated short visions that some could call “memories” but again I am extremely reluctant to describe them that way.

I have had a few shifts both involuntary and voluntary where I felt like Dexter- these felt similar but different to wolf shifts. Both kintypes are apex predators for instance, and that comes out strongly in the shifts. The Dexter shifts do have variations that are unique to Dexter. I only have body dysmorphia some of the time- I don’t want to be male, it holds no appeal to me, but I often wish I could basically look like a boy while still being female, or just look like a werewolf monster instead of a human. When I was a kid I thought I should grow up to be a tall thin male shape for some reason instead of a tiny chubby woman, which is a pretty strange expectation. 

I feel like if I AM Dexter fictionkin, I am not “THE” Dexter, as he is still a fictional character and I don’t subscribe to the multiverse + reincarnation theory popularized through the fictionkin fandom. All fictionkin resources are colored through this lens so it becomes difficult for me to accept the entire concept of fictionkin since few people think the way I do. If I don’t accept the common definition of fictionkin then I don’t know what fictionkin even IS, so how can I admit to being one? I have been highly distressed going back and forth in circular arguments in my head- am I? am I not?

The one constant is that in SOME way or another, this character means a LOT to me. What that means exactly, I still have not a clue. :/

PROS for claiming Dexter as an ID:

º Finally settle this shitmess in my head and just chill, accept it

º More confidence (I’m fuckin’ dangerous, fite me)

º Acceptance of the more unsavory aspects of my personality and an online kinmunity that will accept me too

º Motivation to continue with my attempts to learn kin-related skills and get in shape

CONS for claiming Dexter as an ID:

ª Get sucked more into my own head and possibly get lost on the tides of fantasy and fallacy, descend slowly into complete madness

ª Giving my unsavory urges attention, which could make them stronger??

ª Have to awkwardly tell my S.O. about all these feelings I’m having

ª Having a really cringeworthy secret that very few outsiders are going to be able to accept

OTHER MISCELLANY CAVEATS:

ª Memories are incredibly easy to implant in people (is it just children? I honeslty am not sure of the science of it but this has been documented to happen in kids, I can cite sources if anyone reading this is interested in the subject)... I am SUPER skeptical of my kin “memories” and want to protect myself against destroying my mind with falsehoods.

ª I am incredibly empathic (the irony of which is not lost on me, having a psychopathic kintype...) but anyway when I was a kid, I would get so sucked into movies that I would often shift into the main character of whatever movie I just saw and would spend a few hours as that character. This feels like maybe an extension of this? I could simply be very emotionally invested in this character without literally BEING him?

ª If I don’t believe in the multiverse + reincarnation theory, then HOW exactly am I Dexter? What explanation is there for identifying as a fictional character? I don’t even have a rough theory about this, and that bothers me. When I say it like that to myself, it sounds fake.

How I feel when I think about dressing as my kintype and learning his skills: Excited, jittery, happy, confident but a little self-conscious because I don’t want others around me to figure out what is going on. Very very concerned with what others think, especially my S.O.

How I feel when I try to ignore my kintype: The subject never truly leaves my head and will come back eventually. I feel squirmy and anxious as I’m undecided on my identity. I wish it would just end so I could be out of this anxiety hell. I can manage a few months without thinking about it but it always comes back, especially when I go read or watch the source material again. I could just never watch the show or read the books again, but why deprive myself of something I love?

Typing all this out helps I think... Identity is fluid anyway, I mean if Dexter ends up not fitting my ID later down the line that’s okay?? I guess my S.O. probably already knows my mind is a weird and wacky place, he’s stuck around this long. :S I think... I will tell him what’s going on with me before the month is out. And I am leaning towards just fully embracing all sides of this ID and just seeing where it goes (hopefully not with me killing people HAHAHAHA).

If you read all this, I owe you a beer (or a cocoa if you’re a kid) ;P

[scalesandwanderlust]

Otherkin Identity Politics Questionnaire

And part dos.

1. Can we speak of ‘an Otherkin community’ as a whole, or is it more appropriate to speak of smaller groups that are seen as fitting ‘under the umbrella,’ so to speak, of a larger community? I feel that this depends on what you're discussing. We have several subgroups of otherkin (therians, mythical otherkin, fictionkin, etc) and otherkin-adjacent groups (copinglinks, kith/otherhearted) and their experiences tend to be somewhat unique, even with overlap. The community can be spoken about as a whole but those subgroups have their own issues and experiences that may warrant specification - a fictionkin has a pretty different experience from a fox therian, with the fictionkin having a source material that affects their experiences, and the fox lacking source material. 2. [Note: this question is for ‘older’ Otherkin who have been active longer] Was ‘the community’ more accepting of different kintypes in the past? If so, at what time was there more acceptance (approx. year)? How has this changed, if at all? a. If you frequent more than one online group, have you noticed a change in the group’s dynamics of inclusion/exclusion? b. If ‘a.’ is applicable, was there an event that precipitated the shift in attitudes? [Have not been active enough in the community despite considering myself otherkin for 8 years, prefer not to comment] 3. Are there ‘rules’ or ‘definitions’ of what an Otherkin should be, in order to be recognized as being Otherkin, that are followed presently? [For ‘older’ Otherkin: has this changed at all over the years?] The only real rule or definition for being otherkin is identifying as non-human somehow, and a less spoken rule is understanding the difference between identifying with something and identifying as something. The core community usually makes an effort to enforce this, but some other websites have communities that disregard it and their legitimacy is often the subject of debate. 4. What criteria are used to determine whether or not (a potential) Otherkin will be accepted into a community? The individual's understanding of "identifying as" versus "identifying with" is probably the most significant criterion. Older members of the community will usually try to make this distinction as clear as possible to someone just entering the greater community. Many people come in with the idea that relating to something strongly is all it takes, but there's more to it than that. 5. Are particular kintypes more readily excluded than others? If so, what are the arguments given that would support exclusion of those particular groups? How are these attitudes enacted, i.e., what things are said to the excluded Otherkin? I think fictionkin are excluded the most, to be honest. The idea of identifying as someone else's intellectual property doesn't jive so well with many people, especially content creators and artists who may feel protective of their work because it has significance to them. I'm guilty of this line of thinking myself, and I am still on the fence about the idea of fictionkin as an identity. They're often told they can't identify as someone else's characters because they aren't real - which is something non-therian otherkin hear all the time, making it a bit of a conundrum when there's "infighting." a. Do the excluded Otherkin try to argue for acceptance within the group, or do they just leave without discussion? I feel like most of them fight for acceptance. Having your identity dismissed is a crappy feeling, to put it bluntly. Most people are going to get defensive when you dismiss who they feel they are. Some probably just take off because of the anxiety it causes but there's usually at least some parting words. b. Does communication work to resolve disagreements? It depends entirely on the community/site in question. Kinmunity has rules against crusading against a particular identity, but sites like Tumblr where fictionkin are more common does not and hateful commentary from non-fiction kin and anti-otherkin alike is common there. Here on Kinmunity, talking about it usually de-escalates things and people will either feel as though they've been enlightened, or simply agree to disagree. 6. Have you experienced being excluded from an Otherkin group (or is it presently happening to you)? If so, how was this expressed to you? Did (does) it happen in more than one group? I'm a dragon. People doubt me all the time. Folks are sometimes slightly outspoken about not really "buying" the whole "mythical creature" thing but generally aren't incredibly rude about it. The ones that are tend to be non-otherkin who just like bugging internet "freaks" like us. I don't feel openly excluded, for the most part, just doubted. a. If now resolved, how long did it take for you to feel accepted in your community/group? I still feel like my identity is the subject of debate, but I've never felt "unaccepted" in so many words. b. What happened (if anything) to spur/prompt this change of acceptance? It makes me sad, but I feel like the recent focus on Fictionkin has made my identity a little more believable within the community. People aren't going to poke at you for being a mythical creature anymore when they can poke fun at the guy who thinks he's a Dragon Ball Z character. 7. How does/did being excluded affect you in broader terms of your own identity? How does/did it make you feel about yourself, and the ‘Otherkin community’ as a whole? The doubt people express towards mythical otherkin definitely makes me doubt myself a lot, but I try to swallow that because it's fundamentally no weirder to think I'm a giant flying lizard than to think I'm a parakeet. I try not to let it affect me in any meaningful way and just don't pay any mind to people who have a desire to exclude me on the basis of impossibility. We all think we're something other than human somewhere on the inside, where's the sense in arguing about who's more real?